DYING CITY, SHMYING CITY



Back in January, as part of a content sharing deal, Newsweek posted mainstreet.com's list of America's "dying cities" on their website. On this list? Well, among other cities, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

So, what do you do if you're a proud Grand Rapids native, outraged by Newsweek's accusation? If it were me, I'd probably storm around my house screaming, "WHAT?! BUT WE PRODUCE SO MUCH OFFICE FURNITURE!"

But, thankfully, it's not me.... because I'm from New Jersey... and because the much-more-creative-than-me residents of Grand Rapids took to the streets and outdid themselves with the video above. So, apologies, Grand Rapids. Neither Newsweek nor I will ever question you again.

MOTORCADE FAIL

Bulletproof? Check.
Missile-proof? Check.
Curb-proof? Not so much.

THE RAPTURE (DUH WINNING)

If you're like me, you may have heard the crazy homeless guy on the corner ranting about the end of the world on your way to work. So, yeah that's supposedly tomorrow. Get pumped. And also, before you start looting and - you know - getting judged; take a second to check out the google homepage today. It's pretty sweet.

DON'T TEXT WHILE FLYING

You know how the combination of cell phones and transportation can be pretty bad for humans? Well, it turns out that it might be a fatal combo for bees as well. A new study by researcher Daniel Favre at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology has found that the wireless signals emitted by cell phones cause worker bees to become so disoriented that they eventually die.

Why, you ask? Well, Favre’s team tested bees’ reactions to a nearby cellphone in 83 different experiments and found that the honeybees made 10 times more noise when a cell phone made or received a call than they did when the phone was in off or standby mode. This noise, often referred to as "worker piping," usually functions as a signal for the bees to leave their hive. But, when the reaction is falsely triggered by a cell phone, the bees became tragically befuddled.

Favre’s report explains: “Worker piping in a bee colony is not frequent, and when it occurs in a colony, that is not in a swarming process, no more than two bees are simultaneously active…The induction of honeybee worker piping by the electromagnetic fields of mobile phones might have dramatic consequences in terms of colony losses due to unexpected swarming.”

There you have it. Bad news bees.

DAILY DOSE OF BADASS

The Youtube description of this video reads: "Dancing like Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air on top of a M1068 in full gear, while MLRS rockets fly behind me." Yeaaah. So, I'm going to go out on a ledge and say that - if Will was to ever walk in on this Carlton dance - Carlton would have especially nothing to be ashamed of.

CONGRESS IS THE NEW HOT

29-year-old Republican Congressman Aaron Schock on the cover of this week's Men's Health magazine. Swoon.

YEAH THAT WAS KINDA WEIRD, BUT WE'RE BACK IN THE CLUB

I die for this. Really, I do; but what does a girl have to do to get a little Shawshank Redemption up in here? Just hear me out:

"This is the tale of an innocent prisoner
Bet Susan Sarandon would agree with me
He's chiselin' out through the wall. It's redemption.
Just try to find that hole. It won't be easy."

Just saying.

DOGGLES

FASHION ALERT: Remember those "rec specs" that vision-impaired children used to wear to play sports? The ones you refused to wear because you thought they were so nerdy? The ones Seth Green wore on his head in Can't Hardly Wait? The ones you constantly made fun of on your peers? Well, the time has finally come to eat your words.

I mean it. Open. up. and. eat. them.

Why? They're part of the new specialized equipment, being outfitted on America's military dogs, during their combat operations abroad. You heard right. These badass canines now sport oxygen masks (to protect their lungs, as they parachute out of choppers with soldiers), waterproof vests (containing infrared cameras that transmit video back to servicemen watching in monitors behind them, and... wait for it... "doggles" to protect their eyes.

I'm not lying. Check out Foreign Policy's awesome photo essay on war dogs here, if you don't believe me. Actually, check it out, even if you do believe me. It's worth it.

And if that information isn't enough to convince you that doggles (the artist formerly known as rec specs) are now 100% badass, then I'll bet this will:

According to the New York Times, one of these hooked-up military dogs was strapped onto a member of the US Navy SEAL assault team as they were lowered out of a Black Hawk helicopter this weekend and began the operation that killed Osama Bin Laden. 'Nuff said.